Hello, I’m writing here after a full year of not doing so.

Not going to lie, I miss writing for the sake of writing.

Now, everything I do online feels like it needs to have a purpose. I feel guilty when I do things for its own sake — like vlogging or this. But I’m learning I need to embrace these “hobbies” with no purpose and hope they can convert into something purposeful.

But at the same time, my desire to make it online gives me constant anxiety about this thought. Maybe it’s because of the constant messaging we’ve heard…”you can’t make money unless you’re acting like a business.”

But what if the value I want to create is different than the usual things you see online?

What if?

I know that when I had the intention to write today on this platform…I felt a rush of excitement in my body. And so I don’t know what I’ve been doing this whole time “looking” for things that supposedly bring me joy when it’s been here all along.

Writing is one of those things that I’m so sure.

Like I know what my name is, and I know that writing is what lights up my soul.

I tried telling myself:

• I write scripts on YouTube (which is what I’ve wanted for years)
• I write for captions on Instagram (which is what I want now)
• I write for bla bla

These are all BS excuses.